Here is what experience has taught me; when dealing with any female, human or animal, terrestrial or extra-terrestrial, approach with extreme prejudice.

There is always a pre-set function in them that will expect you to understand what is not said or explicitly insinuated. But you just have to know! It should be a sort of intuitional or magical revelation.

That is just how they are. You don’t treat them ordinary. The tips that usually help loosen your hook could include the following:

·         Massage/ soothe their egos. Here you will need to compliment, respect them. Address them more than appropriately, don’t forget names, and important dates in their lives, like the date she fist had a pedicure with you, the day she first cooked for you, the day she gave you a certain nickname…. Etc. etc. never forget the trivial things on their anatomy that you think they think make them look good.

That is a gateway for you to close whatever deal it is that you aim to achieve depending on the situation. Most importantly, it does not get you out of trouble, but gets you out of mortal trouble.

If you don’t abide by this simple ego rule, you would be treated rudely, talked ill about…. You know what they end up doing……

Well, there is one word that would describe how to deal with them…. Try to act a Gentleman, even if your clan has never had one.

DISCLAIMER: THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO

ALL THAT YOU KNOW. SOME ARE ACTUALLY BATTLE HARDENED......

The Pearl

The Pearl.....

The sun is generous with its rays,

The wind is kind today

And peace oozes from all angles

The day is infant and gay

Birds wake with melody,

Sweet and soothing

Owls retire, but in agony

Indeed this beauty is something

The green rises and falls

It’s so visible from every vantage

Rivers wind and bend,

Whispering calmly to themselves

Indeed this place is magical

Its beauty and natural appeal uncorrupted

It is the Pearl Of Africa…

We realize the impact…

 

Home

Home yes Gentlemen do still exist

NO, I WILL NOT!!!!!!

So, I have been scarce for quite a while, and that is absolutely by choice. I have been on the lookout and many, if not, most of the things I wanted to write about were very scary ones even to me. Those better taken to the grave…….

I mean, how I can write about the weird hairstyles that SOME OF THE girls of MUBS have decided to adopt. It seems to me like they are all in a contest for who will be the best worst movie hairstyle holder.  Some have lots of colour on the hair, and a shaggy that does not work well with their pimple spotted faces, and there are those who have extension that make funny the shapes of their heads, let alone hide their already hideous faces.

How can I seriously write to you all about this!!!! I would be very ashamed to tell you that the make up on some of their faces is that that shouts out... ‘I think I have pulled off the best Corpse look’ 

I mean, they become so pale that make up ceases to describe that which they have used. Personally I would recommend the word ‘horrify up’ or make down’ or ‘ruralise’ but even the very rural girls look normal.  I thought the entire essence of making up was to make one look oilier, or add a glow to the countenance, but this ‘generation has gone to the Dogs’

Of course I cannot talk about the dress code. I leave that to the minister for the youth Honourable KIBUULE……

Honestly, I think it would be mean of me to tell you that I have the most hilarious of images born in my mind when I look at what is going on around me, especially when I go to the vicinity of SOME of  the campus students. I will not talk about the lip gloss that makes lips seem like they have been peeled of their top layer, and only wound is exposed. No I will Not!!!!

Now this guy is kinda right

keep the culture girls

On the brighter side though, we also have the conservative. These leave their hair trimmed, to appear like those of 14 year old boys, and avoid the use of ‘chemicals’ on themselves. By chemicals, they mean colognes and deodorants. They emit the natural ‘scent’ ‘Kavubukka’ that works as a substitute for a pesticide. Even flies would not stand this ‘wickedly native eye piercing and nose blocking scent’…. Now that is what I call cultural preservation!!!!

Whatever recommendations you have to any of the categories afore stated, share with me @georgeephraim it’s only applicable for those on twitter. I am in no position to judge them, due to my proper upbringing, so am leaving the dirty work to you…….

Like I said, do not blame me for writing this, but it was not meant for your eye. I had chosen to keep quiet, and this is my idea of thinking!

I think i forgot to say MWAAAAA

DRENCHED........

I am drenched as I write this. The rain was merciless in soaking me despite my dressing to the Nines. Clad in a slim Necktie, White shirt with black stripes, a nice pair of shoes, two pairs of hankies and an expensive wallet with hardly enough money to buy it in it.

That may not have been me, but i raced almost like that.

I dedicate this to my mother who celebrates her birthday today, and loves a good story which involves real events and real people… by real people I mean me.

Dear mother,

I had to walk in the rain today because my car was still in the future. And one gentleman had categorically told me that only the rich could move in the rain. I chose to defy his assertion by resolutely walking in this rain. I knew I had a vehicle but,

That is the car am talking about.

 like I said it was still in the future. As I strode on the road between ministry of Education and he parliament soveniour shop. The rain was momentary, spitting out in different intervals, with some having nothing at all. Now, one  old man saw me when they beating of the rain had intensified, he shouted while running beyond me ‘Naye eeno enkuubba ejjogga’…… meaning that indeed this rain can undermine… and I agreed. Because this was real. Despite my smart attire, I was being drenched. Now as this rain kept falling, I thought so much of the people who stayed in Bwaise, and had to go back home to floating beds.

I think you see the Beds Floating..........

So I am chauffeured to my destination in a van with white and blue linings on its side…. Isn’t that wealth?? All I had to do was sit tight and wait to reach my destination. Many of you would ordinarily call it a taxi, but this was ‘my ride’ for the few minutes I sat there in. as we by passed the Warid Clock Tower; water was practically flooded on the road. I thought we were in India. Too bad I did not have a smart phone to be able to take the picture for you to have a raw perspective of what exactly was going on. So the best I can do is use Google to get related pictures… am sure you will get the message.  I saw a lady holding herself tight, I think to give the mind an illusion of warmth, and yet I realised that it was not working because of the fact that she wore really short skirts, and am sure the cold reached the marrow…. Unfortunately she was not the kind of woman I would run to give a warming hug, because in my head she looked like those women that you used to warn me about, mother…….here they are called the  ‘akaboozzis’. And my teacher of Literature called them Strumpets.  As soon as I dismounted my private ride, the rain descended on me again….

Now like earlier stated, I kind of studied in a school where the norm was not to run in the rain, and so far I had kept that code. But here is the thing, for those of you who think that Kiprotich is the fastest Ugandan, and then you are wrong. Men raced in this rain, in suits, and a look that inspired only laughter. I kept my hankie on my face, and it is only  fair to say that it was not chocolate brown, because I am a clean guy, and endeavour to shower twice………

You know how we tilt our heads in the rain, make a rare face , and place our teeth out, as though it would reduce the intensity or the level of Wetness, I took time to stand in the rain, stare, and just laugh at what I saw. After all I was already drenched to the inner garments that did not see the sun often.

Yeah....Only the Rich Enjoy the rains......

Do not Laugh....Am Just Saying

DON’T LAUGH…. AM JUST SAYING……….Now it is rare that I care about what surrounds me, but today I think it was a different situation all together. First I encounter one of these girls uprooted from the village and retaining all the norms that are a thing of comedy of late. As she dismounted a taxi, she had the courtesy of saying ‘Neyanzzizza ssebo’  Meaning Thank You sir and the man laughed so heartily….that all the people in the taxi got into a frenzy of argument and laughter.
A few minutes later, we stop and a passenger spots us. Now this guy races to the taxi, like a fast entrance could be able to enable him reach faster to his destination.  How interesting, because we sat for a painful five more minutes, and I couldn’t help the devilishly cute smile that creased my face.

 

Now the other scenario arose from this campaser, like they like to be called, coz the name is still fresh to them and it quite means a lot.   Now everyone has their idea of swag. This guy, what he lacked in money and style he made up for in an endowment in the lower region… how did he manifest this???? His walk/ gait and swagger was characterised by aside to side sway that showed off or rather pronounced his one endowment. The waist was to be edged forward slightly, and at first glance you would think that he is sick, but it was his swag….There  is this new excitement that is surrounding reporting to campus, especially in MUBS. Ok,personally I think that the Girls are younger, but the boys are much older…. Maybe this female emancipation thing has led to boys being left out. The Boys seem bigger in size. I think they started school late after their parents questioning the relevance of sending them to school after seeing the many ‘Bbanyuuwi b’enjagga’ loosely translated as drinkers of weed/drugs. Had I been a parent, I would have done the same………….

Then when I got back to work, one of the people I work with was at the verge of buying a car…it was a yellow starlet…can you believe?? Now it is bad enough that he is buying a starlet. But the colour yellow????? Really??? You know, one of the females I got to know on Facebook looked good in pictures. But upon meeting her, she had a behind like that of a Vitz….now a starlet’s behind was Flatter than that!!!!! Pardon me if you drive either of the cars, but I guess we are entitled to our different opinions…. And you know the colour yellow on a guy is Kind of Gay……right? Am glad you agree.I was just saying…………………. Dont Kill Me I am already dead... and with love Like Cupid.......

MUBS STRATEGY....

Welcome to MUBS pals. This is a place many of you have dreamed of for your lives, and as you have noticed, the rumour about it being hideously expensive is true. So true that most of you wish that you were in MUK….dining in Katanga, and wining in Wandegeya, with desert in Kikonyi. Sorry you are here now.

On the brighter side though, there is a place in MUBS too that could cover all your appetite needs without having to injure your pocket so bad……I will tell you all the details that there are to know about this place.

This is an article about a place; it examines the demographic, geographic, and moral implications of this place. There are certain facts that are definitive about certain places, and they have been like that for quite a while. This place fails to only defy one odd…which actually is a stereotypical assertion, that of the men having the ability to consume more food than the women. I will begin with the fact that this place is owned by a lady who has apparently been to Mecca, and so she becomes a Hajjat. And from her name was born the Taxonomy or name of this place. It is now known as Hajjat’s.

As you have guessed, it indeed is an eating place. And yes, rice too is served in this place. Well, contrary to the ownership, this place harbours more males than females, and they are usually the hungry kind, correction, those dedicated to the calling of food consumption. I am a lean male being, and my rate of food consumption can arguably be compared to that of a thirteen year old girl, although I am seven years older, or thereabout.

Now, what are the facts??

·        The food served can be too heavy for a man my size to carry……True

·        Water is given as an after sales and before sales service….True

·        Payment is at the counter after consumption and discounts are allowed, including eating on credit for those who are  loyal enough………….True

·        It is for a particular class of students……False. It’s for all, poor, rich, diving, walking……allllllllll…..except some females…..

·        This place is as hot as an oven in the seasons of the sun……Arguable… coz the food too emits its heat on the eater……..

My Experience:

Now my first encounter and intercourse with this place was on a hot Thursdays afternoon, after a heated academic discussion with few females who contributed hardly. It was thus kind to say that I was indeed hungry, and angry.  Now, the person that too me thee…. Name withheld, was one accustomed to the habits of the place and as I had previously mentioned, I find really bizarre.

Like a weevil, he dug into the food resolutely, and steadily nibbled his way to a spotless plate.

Me on the other hand, after a couple of fork fulls, I was too satisfied, and yet food  was too much on my plate, and it mocked me for my inability to finish it…..the same was done to me by my friend….

The kind of talk that characterises this place ranges from politics to religion, soccer, etc etc etc

WHAT KEPT ME GOING TO THIS PLACE??

Now this is mathematical, so be keen.

Ordinarily, I would spend 6000 to 7000 on food for a day, and about 2000 on water to drink, and 500 on PK(dudes, your breath matters.) if you did the math, you would realise that in a week of 7 days, I would use about 65500shillings just to nourish needs to keep me alive. What do you think would be left for happening and girls then????? NOTHING!!!!! DAMN!!!

Now with the discovery of Hajjat, look at my new expenditure…..food a day was 2500, and water was free…PK was constant.. So for 5 days I would spend 15,000shillings!!!Unbelievable…. food was 2500 only coz all I needed from Hajjat was ONE MEAL FOR TWO TO THREE DAYS, AND I STILL FELT SATSIFIED!!!!!!! That left me with about 50,000 at my disposal…. I DON’T EXPECT YOU TO ASK HOW I GET THE MANY GIRLS YET MUBS HAS MONEY ATTRACTING FEMALES.

So when my MUK buddies envy me, I smile, and tell them tales of how much game I possess. The truth is a little secret that I am not willing to share.

WELCOME TO MUBS BOYS……YOU CAN CALL ME FOR MORE TIPS. THIS TIME I WILL GIVE YOU LEGIT ONES………..